Lonely ??

Today as i sit in my bed and look at things, i feel a bit lonely. Yes, you are right, i said it, i feel a bit lonely. Here i am lying in bed, with bodyache and fever and their is noone physically with me. I know Krsna (god) is with me, but at this stage i might have appreciated someone physically around me, someone with whom i can talk and share my feelings.
As i think more about this, i feel more and more lonely and the holy name is the only hope, i am in an alien country, with very few friends and most of them fine me unusual coz of my life style (vegetarian, no alcohol, no girlfriends, no night life), they feel that i live a very disciplined life. One of my friend suggest that sometimes its also a good to be disciplined to be undisciplined, i tried it, went out with friends till 2 am, however it dint help and i was feeling a bit out of place and uncomfortable. Their is something that i was holding back.
Isnt it true that in many countries, modern culture emphasizes the individual person, and not the group or family. There is often pressure to be 'self-contained'. Many more young people like me live alone, often away from family or friends because of work or college. The pressures of life may not leave enough time to make good relationships. To top this up, we try and take refuge in media (TV, books, internet, flims) only to find that they keep telling us that the only meaningful relationship is sexual and or romantic. When we dont have these relationships in our life we feel left out and or unaccepted. And if at all we find such a relationship, we have lot of expectations from it, so much so that when the relationship fails to workout, we feel as if life has come to stand still, and we keep punishing yourself for the failure. I am not a typical SHY person, i have friends, and I go out with them for parties, however somewhere inside me I know that I keep people at arms length.
What exactly is loneliness? It is a FEELING that intimacy, understanding, friendship, and acceptance are missing from one's life. It is a FEELING of isolation or separation from others, a FEELING of being all alone. We need to realize that loneliness is nothing more than a feeling. After all, you are not your arms or legs, for they are just parts of your body. Similarly, you are not your feelings, which are just parts of your psyche.Words are a lot like cars. Both are loaded with power. Cars are used to drive home. And words are used to drive home a point. Words and cars are very useful, but when used improperly, they can harm us. There are many poor drivers and poor thinkers because we learn about cars and words from unqualified instructors, such as our parents or friends. Now, let's get to the point. Did you ever say any of the following to yourself or others? "I am lonely." "I am sad." "I am angry." If you did, that is a misuse of language that leads to harmful effects.

Here is something to think about. The words we use imprison us or set us free. For example, if I were to say, "I AM lonely." That is just like saying, "I AM white." or "I AM a male." You see, there's nothing I can do about being white or a male. There is nothing I can do to change what I AM. So, when I say, "I AM lonely," the implication is that I cannot change. In other words, I use words to imprison myself with false beliefs.

However, when I acknowledge that loneliness is a feeling by saying, "I FEEL lonely," I open the door of my prison cell because feelings can and do change. Of course, as long as I continue to say, "I feel lonely. I feel lonely. I feel lonely," nothing will change. For although I opened the door, I have chosen to remain in the cell. To completely set myself free I have to take that extra step by saying, "I feel lonely, SO I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT."

Loneliness is much more than an inconvenience. Left unchecked, it can be a precursor to the solitary confinement of drug and other addictions. For the pain of loneliness may cause one to look for solace in drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling. There is also the danger of loneliness developing into anxiety and depression. One can become completely immobilized by feelings of self-pity and helplessness. Also, one may try to mask pain by oversleeping or putting in long hours at the office. Finally, the stress imposed by loneliness leads to a weakened immune system, heart disease, and other physical ailments. The moral is clear. If we're suffering from loneliness, it's time to decide to do something about it.

All right, I feel lonely and want to do something about it, so what must I do? Start by understanding a simple law of life which can help solve almost any problem. That law is: You have to give away what you wish to receive. Our actions are balls that bounce back to us. A corollary of that law is: Don't give others what you don't want to receive. If I punch someone, they will punch me back. If I hug someone, they will hug me back. It's as simple as that. And that is the wisdom contained in the teaching, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

The strongest trees are those that grow alone. The greatest dreams are those conceived alone. God can speak to you only when you are alone. Your purpose and life's meaning will be revealed to you only when you are alone. Yes, solitude is not the hovel of a recluse, but the mansion of a master. It is a place of joy. Yet, don't retreat to it to such an extent that you neglect others and deny yourself the blessings of friendship and companionship.

There's nothing questionable about the power of questions. If you're feeling lonely and don't know why, that's because you haven't been asking questions. Take an inventory of your behavior. Are you a show-off? Domineering? Moody? A complainer? A gossiper? Unreliable? Nosy? Short-tempered? A taker that doesn't know how to give? Do you build walls instead of bridges? Would you want to be friends with someone like you? Questions provoke thought and point to solutions. How can you take corrective action unless you ask yourself what you are doing wrong? If you are still mired in loneliness, is that because you're waiting to be rescued? (Don't hold your breath because help isn't on the way.) If you need a hand, you'll find it at the end of your own arm. There are lots you can do such as join a support group to master people skills. Learning about self-esteem, assertiveness, and how to overcome shyness and win friends can be a great deal of fun and put an end to your loneliness for good. Don't deprive others of the blessing of knowing you; be a friend!